One of those days

It’s 10:00 and I just got done working out.

I had a bad day. Actually, when I think about it, is was a pretty productive and good day. Yet I felt defeated most of the day, behind, not enough, and impatient. It started with 2 of my children’s first day of school, and though they had a great morning, their youngest brother seemed bound determined to make everyone know how miserable he was. I feel like he threw an all day temper tantrum, you know those tantrums that don’t make sense, like when you throw your eggs away in the trash that your mom just made you, then cry because you don’t have any eggs. Then tear up all your tissue, then cry because you want more tissues? But today it lasted FOREVER.

I got the kids off to school, got the house spotless except for 1 room, then had a good friend and playdate come over. It was such a wonderful time, Charlie and I both enjoyed it.

As soon as they left, I made a quick lunch and then Charlie and I hopped in the car to go to the grocery store. We made a stop to grab him a toy that he wanted to buy with his birthday money from Grandma and Papa.

By the time we got home, I seemed to have just enough time to mow the front lawn, then rush around the house packing dinners for 3 kids, leotards, water bottles, then head out the door knowing I was going to be gone the rest of the night.

I felt like crying when I got in the car, because Charlie was back to being miserable, screaming, crying…and I didn’t know if I had it in me to go stand in the pick up line for 20 minutes while he cried; and I knew he had to spend the next 5 ½ hours in the car and/or sitting in gymnastics practice…and I just didn’t know if I could handle it.

We made it through. His mood was up and down, but overall the boys were patient as we sat and played in the car 2 hours, then sat and played in the seating area of gymnastics for an hour. Overall the day was fine. Overall I got ENOUGH done. Just not the entire list I had planned in my head.

On the 40 minute drive home, I wondered why I felt so tired, grumpy, and negative about my day when it was actually a pretty good day. I again felt the familiar feeling creep up, those voices many of us women hear ourselves say regularly:

“There aren’t enough hours in the day.”

“How did I not get more done?”

“How am I going to get it all done tomorrow?”

“I’m tired.”

“I failed.”

“I’m not enough.”

Then I realized something. There are 3 main things that I KNOW play an integral part in my mood and happiness. I had not done any of those things today. What are they?

1. Jesus time

2. Exercise

3. Drink enough water

How can I expect to be okay with myself, to feel happy and positive, to feel like I’ve done enough…when I don’t take the time to fill my cup and do the things I need for positive energy.

This doesn’t mean it’s easy to do those things. Nobody insists on me doing those things like they insist on being fed 3 meals a day, gotten drinks, help brushing teeth, snuggled. Nobody expects me to do those things like they expect me to have all the paperwork filled out for school, appointments kept, lessons and practices organized.

That’s why it’s so easy to put those things on the back burner. To put them last. The only one making you or expecting you do do those things is yourself…so you have to do just that. Force yourself. You have to be your “boss”. You have to tell yourself those things are a priority.

We are starting a group soon. A group for women who often forget to schedule out their “cup filling” time…that often forget to force themselves to do the activities that might feel hard in the moment, but that are going to make their day, life, and mindset so much better.

I just drank 30 ounces of water, did my workout late at night, and read my devotional. I feel so much better. It was a good day. Are you doing the things you need to to fill up your own cup?