In The Middle

When I need to realign my stressed and busy mind, my focus, and my motivation and happiness, I turn to my quiet time with God.  There are days when I’m not only living in the past pain of going through hopeless struggles, but also stressing about the future at the same time.  Dwelling on the past and stressing about the future is not a comforting place to be!  Anxiety creeps in a little more each day as I shove it away.  My mind feels sad over things come and gone, yet my head feels jumbled with all the things that need done now for tomorrow.  Stressing about the past and the future leaves little room to enjoy the middle. The now.

We need our past, for that is what shapes us.  Even the awful parts.  We need visions of the future, for those dreams are what inspire us and continue to push us to grow.  Yet sometimes it becomes a struggle to instead of using the past as a celebration of what we have come through and become… to use it as a way to relive pain and feel stuck.  Sometimes instead of being grateful for the journey we are on today that is leading us to the millions of things we are working for in the future, we instead get lost in a whirlwind of overwhelm and stress.

I’m in that week right now.  These weeks come occasionally, and though I always know they will pass, it doesn’t make it easier.  Each day the trouble breathing creeps in a little more.  Then I will it away until it comes back the next day.  I attempt to push it away until it builds enough I lose control of my dry eyes.  Did I ever tell you I don’t like to cry? I used to be a professional non cryer.

I feel it building and building inside no matter how hard I try to convince myself I’m fine and attempt to mentally outplay it.  I can reverse my mindset and feelings to a point… until the point where I can’t.  That’s when I break down.  That’s when I am out of options but to surrender to God.  I allow myself to “give up” control, and give control to Him.  Today, during one of those times, I turned on my Spotify playlist and began to pray as the tears forced themselves out.  The first words I heard were:

“Can’t go back to the beginning
Can’t control what tomorrow will bring
But I know here in the middle
Is the place where You promise to be”

~Elevation Worship

When I get to this point, God is always ready to hold me as soon as I let Him.  He reassures me not to dwell on the past because He’s brought me through to something more powerful.  He reminds me He’s here now, right in the middle, and that as long as I’m listening to Him and following His lead, I can put the worries of the future into His hands.

After these breakdown sessions with God, I always feel like a new person.  Rejuvenated.  Back to my positive and excited about life self.  It will come again.  And He will lift me up again.

It’s the middle where He is.  Where we are right now.  When I am reminded of that I can relax a little easier.  I can remember how grateful I am for everything about my journey, the past, the present, and what God has in store for me in the future.

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