I can’t remember if I’ve told this story. I know I have put the events in my book that I have yet to finish and publish. And I’m not sure I’m ready to tell the full story. However, I want to tell part of it now. I think when life is going great and we feel blessed, it’s easier to give time to God and feel those connections. But I have learned something. It’s when our lives are falling apart that we can really see Him work and speak to us. It’s when we feel like our situations are completely hopeless, but we still lean in and ask Him to guide us, direct us, carry us.
I’ve always considered my life extremely blessed. For a while I was “waiting for the ball to drop”, because I’d seen plenty of people suffering throughout my years and I couldn’t imagine why I had it so “easy”. The things I want in life just seem to play out the way I expect them to, the goals I set are things I consistently attain, and I constantly thanked God for the blessings He brought to my life.
Then it crashed. Suddenly, one day, my life seemed hopeless, full of confusion and fear, experiencing something I didn’t know existed to experience. I wanted to beg God, WHY?? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?! For a week I didn’t sleep, I barely ate, I struggled to breathe. I tried to search for the light at the end of the tunnel, yet I didn’t see one.
So I leaned into Him. I cried, and I asked for help, for a miracle. I asked for direction, because at that point there wasn’t even a direction to go. At a time when I could barely breath or figure out how to function, I started hearing Him speak back.
“The last few years were to build you up to be strong enough for this.” For those of you that don’t know, God pushed me into an online health coaching business 4 years ago that encouraged constant self development, which has totally transformed my mindset and relationship with God. God gave me that slight reassurance that He knew this was going to happen. There was a reason I had been working soooo hard on my mindset, my connection with Him, and my internal strength.
I felt Him tell me what I needed to do, but it was one of the scariest decisions of my life. I sat on the beach, alone, tears staining my face, and I said I needed a sign. When I looked up, there was a rainbow over to my right, bold and beautiful. I heard the voice, “I am here.” I said, “I see you, but I’m scared.”
It started raining, I saw dark clouds beginning to roll in, but I couldn’t leave. I couldn’t take my eyes off the rainbow until it went away. Yet it wouldn’t go away. I stood on the beach staring at it, not able to go, the rain getting stronger. Until I heard Him say, “I’m not going anywhere. Go do what you need to do. I will still be here.”
I reluctantly walked away, off the beach, looking back and seeing that rainbow stay strong.
The next day, I woke up in fear again. I questioned the decision I felt God was asking me to make. I felt unsure once more. I walked down to that same spot on the beach, closed my eyes, and said, “Are you sure, God?! I’m scared. I need more signs. Is that really what you want me to do?!”
When I opened my eyes, on that now sunny day, and looked to my right, that rainbow was there. Same spot. Different day. No rain or storm in sight.
“I’m still here. This is your sign.”
A week later, when I was no longer at that beach, I was obviously still struggling. On a rough day, my mom randomly texted me a picture from the vacation spot (where I was the week before) Facebook page where someone posted a picture of a gorgeous rainbow… in the same spot I had seen it. He was still with me.
There were more. When I needed them during this low time, there were more. And not just rainbows. Other signs. Using random strangers to speak directly to me and my situation. Using the devotionals I was reading. There are so many ways God speaks to us if we learn to recognize His voice.
I will tell you out of this He produced what I consider a miracle in my life. When there was no hope, absolutely no hope in sight, I still leaned in to Him and trusted. I wish I could go into more detail and tell every little sign and voice He sent, but just know that if you are hurting, if the worst of the worst has happened to you, if you feel hopeless… He is with you and ready to hold your hand. He wants to speak to you, lead you, and show you sometimes the hardest experiences and situations will lead us to even better places or purposes, even if it’s impossible to see that for ourselves.
I am grateful. Grateful for the business He put in my life. Grateful for the people that taught me to work on my internal self and mindset. Grateful that I had learned to hear His voice and be intentional with our relationship, so when my life did crash down, I had a way to hope in a hopeless situation.
I can’t imagine making it through that time without the mental strength and deep connection with God that I had been working on the few years leading up to that moment. So I beg you, start now. Start being intentional with listening and learning to let God speak to you, to lead you. Be intentional, not just with your physical exercise, but strengthening your mind through books, audibles, podcasts.
In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33