I Crave Silence

I’ve always been an introvert, and I think part of embracing that introvertism is acknowledging that I sometimes need silence.

Well, I have 4 kids.  That about sums up how much silence I get.  I often feel guilty when my patience starts wearing thin as I hear little crunching teeth eating over my shoulder, I hear the word “Mom” 5,324 times a day, I get called up the stairs to “watch this” or “listen to this” every 32 seconds.  I try not to roll my eyes after tucking the kids in bed, anxious to go jump in my bath or plop on the couch for adult time, and every…single..time I start walking out the door, I hear, “Mom, wait!”…(I need a drink, can you cover up my birds, can you turn my fan on because it’s hot, I need covered up because I’m cold, can you cuddle me 5 more minutes, I forgot my stuffed animal).

I have watch 3 million dance/gymnastics routines and 2.5 million piano songs played. When the kids are quietly playing, the dogs are usually barking.  There isn’t much silence.

I know it sounds like I’m annoyed, but honestly I love it.  I truly, deep down LOVE the chaos, and I’ve learned to control the sigh and eye roll when the second my booty hits a chair I’m being summoned again…because this life is amazing.  Exhausting, but amazing.

I also have learned I need my silent time to refresh my love for the noise and chaos.  Though I now work from home, this morning Charlie went to his sitter, my middles got on the bus, and my home-schooled oldest is still in bed….and I’m sitting next to the window relishing in the heat from the sunlight, enjoying the chirp of the birds outside and the hum of my computer as I get ready to start my work.  These silent times refresh me, they slow the constant ticking away of my brain, they allow me to reconnect with God.  The silent times allow me to look at the noise and chaos I was experiencing moments before and smile, thankful for the blessings in my life.

It’s easy to feel guilty for needing a trip without kids to the beach, or a couple days without the kids running around.  Yet I’ve learned I need to take care of me before I can expect to be my best for someone else.

And though I enjoy my silent times, I’m 100% certain when the kids grow up and move out, I’m going to crave those chaotic loud days more than I ever imagined.

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