So I’ve been thinking I should write a blog about my word of the year, TRUST, but was waiting for the words to come to me. The past couple years have been a time of trust, with so many chances to just trust my instinct, trust the voice from above, trust the signs.
TRUST is not easy…in fact it can be quite scary. Until more recently, I don’t know that I was always very good at trust. I was always worried people were talking about me, that people didn’t like me, I wouldn’t talk to strangers, I had a lot of hidden anxiety and worry that turned into daily stomach pains staring as a child, I didn’t even trust my own body so many times as a gymnast to perform skills I knew I had perfected over and over.
I find the more I pray and trust, the more things in my life seem to fall into place and always work out. I’m not saying they are always easy or nothing goes wrong, but I’ve learned that by trusting the process, trusting my intuition (which I really believe God is my intuition), and learning not to think too long and hard about things allows what is meant to happen happen.
When my husband and I randomly inquired about a girl from Norway that needed a host family…we hadn’t considered fostering or hosting before that and our lives were already crazy with 4 kids, we barely discussed it and weren’t really expecting anything to come out of it. Yet when within 2 days I was handed papers to sign accepting this young lady into our lives, for some reason I just signed…we didn’t really think about it much, talk about it much, my husband just said, “This seems like maybe it was meant to be” when we heard about her. All of a sudden we were quickly signed up to take a teenager into our family for a full year (like really, what do you do with teenagers)?!
Looking back, I can’t imagine how life would have been without having that experience…without gaining a daughter for life, laughing over spilled Starbucks, the trips, the dress shopping, the bonds I got to see my children make with a big sister. It was meant to be. What a blessing to have that experience with her.
I’ve heard God speak to me so many times in the last year, pushing me to leave my job and pursue this online business…for HIM…not for my wants and needs. I was scared, I resisted, I rolled my eyes at Him (yes, I really did). I asked Him to give me a bigger sign, because how was I supposed to know this is really the path I was supposed to take and not just some voice in my head, and how would I know if the income would continue to grow and wouldn’t be adding more stress to our finances. I clearly heard the words, “TRUST ME. YOU NEED TO TRUST.” I felt chills.
I finally did. I trusted. Since I took that leap, my last 3 paychecks through my business have been my highest.
I still worry every day. I worry about my finances. I worry that I’m not meant to do this job (I’m an introvert, was never great at making friends, and definitely don’t want to sell things, haha.). I worry about my children every day…that I’m not going to be the parent they need, that my preteen is always going to be negative and unhappy and I won’t be able to fix it. That I’m not feeding this 4 year old enough veggies and fruit (he loves granola bars and yogurt….like all day long).
Yet today, during my quiet and prayer time, I just committed to God I was going to fully trust….100% all in trust in the process He has planned ahead of me. You can go on and on questioning your path, your decisions, your past….but while you are taking time to do that, you may be missing the opportunity and life…the purpose He has drawn out for you.
Trust that He has equipped you with what you need even when you don’t feel adequate. Trust Him enough to just jump, knowing He will catch you. Quit wasting valuable time hesitating, questioning those tugs in your heart, worrying about the future…because I feel like God has a bigger purpose for all of us that we can’t even dream about.
My biggest advice is to pray daily, ask Him to hold your hand and guide you in the direction He’s designed for you, and give Him your trust. Then sit quietly and listen. You will feel those little tugs on your heart…those random thoughts that don’t alwyas make sense to you…you might get goosebumps…you might even cry because He’s asking you to do something you don’t think you are ready for or have time for. But when you do this daily and actually TRUST, you might be amazed at the direction your life will go.
This year my goal is to fully TRUST.