My Breaking Point

I want to teach people how to get everything they ever wanted out of life..aka..how to love everything you have in life.  I feel like I am a positive person, I have a good mindset, I am capable of seeing the comedy in breaking down, the fun in the rain, the little glimpses of blessings when my life is chaotic and I can barely keep up with my kids.  I am the person that can handle it all and be joyful about it.

But sometimes I break. We can’t all have the optimal mindset all the time.

The last week, maybe month, I have found myself reverting back.  My mindset is slipping back into the old me.  I’m second guessing my choices.  I’m second guessing my decisions as a mom.  I’m questioning over and over in my head what I’m supposed to be doing.   I’m hearing those voices in my head:

“You aren’t good at what you do. They are hoping you quit.”

“She’s mad at you.”

“They are whispering about you.”

“They don’t really like you. They don’t really want to be your friend.”

“You aren’t being a good mom. You aren’t being a good wife.”

“Your house is messy.”

“You aren’t living up to your potential. You are not meeting your responsibilities.”

After a while, the worries, the voices, the anxiety can build. Sometimes we can recognize it and shut it down. Other times we break.

You can have all the blessings in the world. You can have all the support in the world. That doesn’t mean you are immune to breaking. That doesn’t mean you are immune to depression or anxiety.

Today as I sat in my car, crying all day like I haven’t cried since a bad break up in college, knowing I had to pull it together to walk into work and be the motivator..the happy one..the cheerleader…I didn’t know what to do but text some close friends “I feel like I’m breaking.”  Immediately my friend sent me this:

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We all have breaking points.  But these are the times where we grow. We get stronger. We lean on God. We learn to fully rely on God.  He uses the lower times in our lives to make us more aware of Him, to teach us strength, to build our relationships.

It’s okay to have bad days.  But we need to remember to grab God’s hand to pull us up. I need to remember I am not that unconfidant girl with stomach pains daily due to anxiety.  I have learned to love myself. I have learned to see the joy in life. I am blessed beyond what I ever imagined I would be.   I know I can ignore those thoughts in my head.  I know I can rise above obstacles, that the stresses of life are temporary.  It doesn’t come naturally. It takes reading..it takes writing..it takes training your mind.  It takes accepting the normal challenges of life and overcoming them…it takes constantly reminding yourself how amazing life is when you feel like you can barely breathe…it takes practice when you’re feeling wiped out and broken to pull yourself back up so you can enjoy these moments in life that are fleeting by.  It takes focusing on the bigger picture.

“The difficulties you face in life do not come to destroy you, but to show you what you’re made of and just how strong you are.”

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