I’m Not The Mom I Wanted To Be

So I realize something everyday. I’m not the Mom I wanted to be. I’m also not the mom to my 4th child that I was to my first.  The things I do as a Mom were not things I planned to do before I had kids.

I yell more than I thought I would.  I limit electronics, yet somehow they always seem to sneak in more time on them than they should. My kids don’t keep their rooms clean. I fight a constant battle getting the kids to listen the first time I ask them something….and then repeat myself 5 times before I really get angry (I know, you should be consistent and make them do it the first time every time).

With my first child, I didn’t allow much television at all. I also didn’t allow sugary foods. As for my fourth, today he watch Paw Patrol twice, and then played my IPAD just so I could get some cleaning and work done. Then for lunch he ate 2 chocolate puddings (I did buy the ones with all natural ingredients!).  That would have never happened with my first baby.

My older two kids have started talking back to me, and I haven’t quite learned the best consequence to stop this (I swore before I had kids they would never be disrespectful). I can only get my 3 year old to nap by driving him around the block a couple of times.

Everyday it is easy to feel guilty. Guilty that I’m not the perfect Mom….that I had such high standards for myself with parenting and yet sometimes wonder if I am failing. It’s a Mom thing….that Mom guilt.

So I try to focus on the good. My kids are loved and will be loved unconditionally forever. And though they take out all their stress and anger out on me, and sometimes seem unruly, I hear over and over how well behaved they are when they are away from me. I can take them to a restaurant and get compliments for their good behavior every time.

Raising kids is stressful. Maybe some people are perfect at it, but I find it impossible to be perfect at consistency, discipline, and following those limits you planned to set. My biggest prayer in life is that my kids can grow up happy while embracing life, learn to be caring and empathetic for others, and gain a special relationship with God.  I pray that despite my fails as a parent, they turn into incredible human beings.

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