Growing up, I have always been very introverted and sensitive to what others think of me. However, in the last 5 years or so, I am finally coming out of my shell, finding a new confidence allowing me to reach for dreams and goals I never imagined I could do, and allowing me to speak without fear of what someone will think or without that mental block that used to hold my tongue when I had something to say.
However, in the last week, my old insecurities have slowly been creeping back into my mind. In 2 weeks, I will be flying to Destin, Florida for an amazing beach retreat with 15 other Beachbody coaches. We will get to meet with one of the top 10 coaches in the business while we are there! I am beyond excited and grateful for this opportunity…but seriously…I am going to be in a bathing suit with 15 Beachbody coaches..I am going to be getting professional fitness pictures taken while there…why in the world have I not been sticking to my food plan for the last month? Though I work my butt off with my at home DVDs, when I look in the mirror, I still see that looseness of my stomach skin from being way overly stretched 4 times. When I try on my bikinis, I notice my deflated chest and wonder if I could heal up from breast implants in a 2 week period (there is a reason I nursed each of my babies for so long! Oh, how I want that figure back!) I see wrinkles, and wonder how much botox would cost and if it would make my face look like plastic, because I may be the oldest coach there. Oh, and don’t get me started on my pasty white skin. While others tell me to appreciate my “porcelain” complexion, all I can think of are the kids on the bus in Junior High chanting “Casper” when I would go to get out.
Why do us women do this to ourselves? I know this is wrong! Most of the time, I am proud of how hard I work and that I can actually see my abs after having 4 kids (as long as I don’t look at my stomach during a plank, I don’t always see that extra skin). And honestly, I should love that extra skin, because it is a sign of the most amazing parts of my life.
It’s hard not to get nervous and compare ourselves. I am reminding myself, who am I trying to reach in this business? I’m not necessarily looking for those people out there that plan on becoming bikini competitors. My goal in my business is to reach out to those stressed out momma’s that don’t have time for themselves and are unhappy with that extra baby weight. Or those women and men that have never been able to stick to a program and are lacking confidence and looking down on themselves. I’m wanting to touch the lives of those everyday, busy people that have real bodies and a real life and just want to feel a little better and stay healthy.
On top of that, I know that these 15 ladies I’m meeting down in Destin for the first time are some of the most supportive, non judgmental women out there. In the last 8 months, I have developed a sisterhood with these women, and I am amazed at their inner beauty and strength. I may freak out when I finally get to hug and meet each one of them. Oh..and most of these Beachbody coaches are probably feeling the same way..most of them have kids, struggle with sticking to meal plans, and doesn’t every woman have insecurities?
These women are not going to judge my bikini body. In fact, they will probably give me more support and confidence than I can imagine. And my professional fitness pictures don’t have to be perfect, because I’m a busy mom of 4 and my faithful customers will probably appreciate my stretched out belly button. So for the next 2 weeks, I am going to try not to panic when I look in the mirror, try not to stress out too much about what clothes to pack (although I do love shopping), and just relish in the excitement of this opportunity I’ve been given.
Oh, but I am going to get a spray tan.