I Don’t Always Feel Like the Amazing Mom I Want To Be

In my last post, I talked about guilt. Guilt is something, as a mom, I will always have to struggle with. Lately, my guilt is lack of time and lack of patience for my kids. As I feel called to add to my already congested plate of responsibilities, I am wondering where this push is coming from. The busier I am, the less quality time I will have for the kids and the more I have on my to do list, the more impatient and rushed I get. I keep waiting for God to show me a sign that it’s time to slow down and focus on my children…don’t miss out on these amazing days..they grow up too fast. I don’t want to be so focused on progressing in my new ventures and career that all of a sudden years have passed and I realize I have not enjoyed every second of my children.

As I dream and work towards my visions of the future, I also worry that my intentions aren’t what they should be. Am I working so hard in all these new ventures for the financial benefits? It’s hard not to see the income and the growth and potential, but this is material and I know this isn’t what really matters in life. I have this desire for success and growth in my life, career, and leadership, but I am craving reassurance that this is the path I’m supposed to be taking…not because of the money, but because I can truly make a difference in my family’s life and in other people’s lives. Will these successes be something God can use through me to make a difference? Am I really putting all this energy into something and taking away time from my kids because this is something God wants me to do or because I’m being selfish and want to do it for myself?

I’ve been so busy with my tasks these last couple weeks that I have gotten away from my 10 minute quiet time I committed to doing with God when I first started blogging. So tonight, before I got down to business, I opened my favorite devotional and read:

“Concentrate on keeping in step with Me instead of trying to anticipate My plans for you. If you trust that My plans are to prosper you and not to harm you, you can relax and enjoy the present moment. Your home and future are rooted in heaven where eternal ecstasy awaits you. Nothing can rob you of your inheritance of unimaginable riches and well-being. Sometimes I grant you glimpses of your glourious future, to encourage you and spur you on. Bur your main focus should be staying close to me.”

Okay, so I read my devotional, which does seem to be related to what my worries and prayers are, focusing on my successes and future and wanting to focus on the possible riches, but not wanting to focus on actual “material” riches.

Makes sense. Now onto my business studying and development. I opened my leadership/intentional living book I have started, which is not necessarily based on faith. This is what I read “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” The author, who has become a very successful businessman, communicator, and leader, talks about how this verse gave him the confidence to act on his dreams and embrace faith at the same time.image
How crazy is it that out of 379 pages in my devotional and 267 pages of a completely unrelated leadership book, I happened to read the same verse within minutes of each other. As a teenager, I remember how loud God could speak to you if you devoted time to listen. In fact, I even had vivid dreams that completely predicted the furture and came true (I know this sounds crazy, but I think sometimes God speaks to us in different ways if we are open to listening). I called these times my strong intuition, but I always believed it was just God speaking to me.

I am reminded once again if you open your mind, quiet it for a short time, and pray for guidance, you may get your answer much louder and clearer than you ever imagined.

I’m on a new path, I’m more excited than ever about the future, and I know with a little work and practice, I will find that patience with my kids, I will find those quality times with them, and at the same time, I will be showing them how to go for your dreams and live a significant life, knowing that God has a purpose for each of us.

So I’m not ready to stop working towards my dreams. However, I am ready to start learning techniques for improving my patience with the kids, finding ways to allow that quality time with each child, and not let myself get overwhelmed and stressed…because this is when I notice my parenting skills are not as amazing as I would like them to be. I am open to comments as to recommended books, blogs, or suggestions to improve in this area of my life. I want to be the best parent I can be and am always ready to learn ways to improve!!

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