How to get everything you ever wanted. This is the title of my blog. I want to inspire people to be happy… to be successful… to reach for their dreams and get everything they ever wanted in life.
When I look back at my life, I am in disbelief that everything I’ve ever wanted, I have.
I got straight A’s in school, I won my very first meet as a gymnast, I won Nationals on beam in high school, I only applied to one college and got in, also making it onto a division I gymnastics team. I applied to one extremely competitive Physical Therapy school and was accepted. I got hired at the first job I interviewed. I met and married the man of my dreams, who continues to amaze me, and we had 4 beautiful children..each perfectly planned and timed 2 1/2 years apart. I have my dream home. I even recently purchased a vacation home with my sister and mom.
Do you want to know how I got everything I ever wanted? This is something I have sat down and asked God, prayed about. Why do I question God about it? Because when I look back and see the perfect life in my past, I am immobilized with FEAR. Fear? Yes, there is an overlooming fear in my life that often threatens to control my optimism.
I’m not sure how easily I can explain this fear. Here it goes:
I worry that I have been blessed so much in my life, that I am waiting for something devastating to happen. As if I am “due” for a catastrophe so great, that it will threaten my ability to breath and maintain my faith. I see things on the news, I hear of families losing loved ones, I hear of missing children. I see and hear these things and I wonder, “Why not me? Why do I deserve to have this amazing life? Why do I see people hurting, yet I’m living my dream life?”
I have been analyzing and praying about this for a while now. I don’t know if others ever feel this intense fear, but at times it consumes my thoughts. I see the scene in clear detail of the car crash my husband and children get in on the way home from the babysitter’s. I lie in bed awake at night listening for the person that is going to break into my daughter’s window and take her. I try to imagine how in the world I would go on if something happened to my sister…my rock that I talk to everyday.
So what do you do when these thoughts enter your head? I’ll tell you the best thing….YOU PRAY! You read a devotional. You remind yourself God has a plan for your life, and worrying about the future takes away from your trust in Him.
As I prayed, God turned my attention back on this amazing life I have experienced. As a child, I was so fearful, quiet, and introverted that most social situations made me uncomfortable. I couldn’t seem to find my voice when people would talk to me, I couldn’t seem to make eye contact. It was severe enough that every lunch hour in Junior High I would become extremely nauseous, to the point I snuck in Pepto Bismol daily.
I was also the most fearful gymnast you would ever meet. I had so many mental blocks that I couldn’t tumble backwards; I would stand for what seemed like hours attempting to convince my body to do a trick I knew I would stick, but unable to move. I spent time with a hypnotist trying to overcome these blocks…and I spent many evenings crying. I worked my butt off 4-5 days a week, 4 hours a day…getting home after 9pm every night and staying up late to do homework and eat dinner.
Through Highschool and College, I studied and studied and expected perfection out of myself. When I applied to PT school, I was so close to not being able to apply due to some issues with the requirements, but I was able to get my application in at the last minute and I somehow got through the interview process when speaking in front of a group of strangers usually made forming words impossible.
I met and married the man of my dreams, but not until after having my heart shattered. I got pregnant with my first baby, but quietly suffered through tears and depression that I never told anyone about afterwards.
I lost in my life. I lost a childhood best friend. I lost a cousin that was sitting by my side the day before playing our favorite SIMS game. There was even one year I went to 5 funerals in a 6 month period.
When I am forced to really look back at my life, I realize the good things that happened to me weren’t without difficulty. I didn’t come by them without tears, fears, and challenges.
The reason I have everything I’ve ever wanted is because I WANT EVERYTHING I HAVE! When I look back, I am so thankful for the blessings in my life that I forget the challenges and sad times I faced. Sure, I could choose to focus on the negative things in my past, be sad about the difficulties and losses…but that’s not how I choose to define my life.
I know there will be ups and downs for the rest of my life..and I may even have a catastrophic event happen in my life. However, I am learning that remembering the good…keeping focused on the positive… and acknowledging that God has a plan for me… is the true answer to having a fulfilling life.
You may already have everything you ever wanted in your life. You just have to realize it.