Really, God??

10 minutes of Quiet Time: Day 2

For the second day of my commitment to a daily 10 minutes of quiet/devotional time, I felt more prepared.  I grabbed my devotional and sat down in a quiet spot.  I read my devotional first..and once again…God threw a sign at me that hit me smack in the forehead…supporting the fact that I need this time of silence:

“Relax in My healing, holy Presence.  Be still while I transform your heart and mind.  Let go of cares and worries so that you can receive My Peace.  Cease striving, and know that I am God.

It is through knowing Me intimately that you become like Me.  This requires spending time alone with Me.  Let go, relax, be still, and know that I am God.” ~Jesus Calling by Sarah Young

Why is it everytime I open up this devotional, it seems to tell me exactly what I need to hear at that time.  My mom told me the same thing when she bought it for me.

This time, I seemed to be better able to close my eyes and clear my mind, tossing those distracting thoughts on the passing train and just feeling a sense of tranquility and silence.  I began to pray.

I always start my prayers with all the “thanks”.  As a child, I thought I had to thank God for everything individually, so I honestly would go through every family member and friend and personally thank God for them.  I would then go through every possible worry (and as a very anxious child, there were many of them)…”Please God protect us from tornadoes, please keep us safe from robbers, please keep my parents safe from getting in a car accident on the way home from work…”

I never made it through a prayer as a child without falling asleep before I hit “Amen”.

Needless to say, I have learned to shorten my prayers and broaden my thankfulness to my family, friends, and all the blessings in my life. 🙂

After I did my typical Thanking prayer, I pondered what I really was hoping to get out of this time with God.  What did I need to hear and why had I decided to do this?

My life at this time is overwhelming.  Everyday, I tell myself…I can’t do all this anymore.  I am overwhelmed, I am stressed..I need to let something go..or multiple things go.  I just can’t decide what!  Quit my job? Eeehhh..not quite ready to do that, althought it is tempting to be home everyday and maybe actually keep up on the house and not feel so rushed with the kids.  Give up my Beachbody job? I’m loving it…plus it’s extra income and something I can do on my own time, whenever I want, and seems to have opened me up to some amazing people and a new relationship with God.  Quit coaching gymnastics? Well, I’d still be driving 20 minutes  each way and sitting for 2 hours with my daughter at gymnastics two nights a week, so that really wouldn’t save me any time.

So this is what I prayed about.  I prayed to God to give me guidance in my life. Obviously I was way overbooking myself, not focusing as much as I should on my kids and husband, and stressing myself out more than I needed to.  I prayed he would give me a sign as to what I needed to let go of in my life since I couldn’t seem to figure it out for myself.  I prayed this, and I sat in silence..listening.

Write a blog.

In my silence, different posts for my quiet time group and crazy blog ideas started popping in my head.  I put them on the train, and watched them chug away.

Write a blog.

Ugh!! What was wrong with me! Here I was trying to clear my mind and ask God what he wanted me to let go of in my life to simplify things, and my brain keeps trying to add more goals and To Do lists.  I tried over and over to clear it.  I ran and grabbed a piece of paper and a half broken, purple crayon one of the kids had left out, and just started jotting down all distracting random thoughts popping into my head.

imageI wrote them down, closed my eyes, and once again, the word Blog  pushed its way in. I opened my eyes and looked at my paper.  It hit me.  I truly think God wants me to write a blog.

For the second day in a row, I cried.

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